Saturday, October 22, 2011

A is for Asshole: a primer

A is for Asshole
Rosebud or flower

:@D

B is for Balls
Stretched and squeezed by the hour.

;@)

C is for Cock
That most marvellous thing

8@)

D is for Dildo
Oh! The joy it can bring!

:@o

E – Electricity
Pulsing and ramming

:@s

F is for Fucking
Relentlessly slamming

;@D

G is the Guiche
Daddy pierced through your taint

:@o

H is for ‘Homo’
A term stupidly quaint…

:@`

I is for Infant
With diapers and dummies

8@p

J is the Jockstrap
Stained with yesterdays cummies…

:@D

K is for Kinky
With chains and with whips

;@]

L is the Leather
That clings to your hips

:@D~~~~~

M – masturbation
Indulgently stroking

;@)

N – necrophilia
Y’gotta be joking!

X@x

O is the One Night Stand
Whose name you forgot

;@p

P is for Poppers
An olfactory shot

8@D

Q’s the sad Queen
Still flapping her wrists

8@X

R is the rent boy
Gearing up for two fists

;@D

S is the sadist
Who gives pain as his play

X@p

T is for T-Room
Sadly fading away

:@(

U is the Underarm
Deliciously rank

;@p

V is Vanilla
You may as well wank…

:@/

W – Wax play!
That sizzling delight!

8@O

X is X-rated
Like StrayF’s nasty site …

;@)

Y is the Yaoi
That bores me to tears

X@/

And Z are the zippers
I’ve been opening for years ….

;@D

Cum:

... the physical manifestation of a fucking awesome time!















Friday, October 21, 2011

A Trial Story Thing ....

A Gay Fantasy/Fetish/Kink Pick-a-Path Adventure.

· links to 300 and 401 are complete but extendable. They’re fairly silly …

· links to 100 and 200 will get nasty … and a bit silly!

· This is a trial before the juicy stuff starts ...

Comments! Please!


&^%$@*@&^%$!~*&+$%#*


1. It’s Friday night. You’re feeling fit, fine and fucking horny. Do you –

a. Get dressed and go to Jizz, a sleazy gay bar with a sleazier back room? Go to 100

b. Head out to Sweat, the nastiest gay sauna ever? Go to 200

c. Stay home and search for porn on the net? Go to 300

d. Stay home and have fish-fingers-and-chips with your fugly wife followed by endless hours of tedious television and the vague possibility of ultra bland missionary sex? Go to 401


10. Good choice. Do you want your chips –

a. Crunchy? Go to 212

b. A bit slooshy? Go to 312


38. You fapfapfapfapfap while watching the rest of the vid. As you blast your fuckin’ load you scream out - “AAAAAARGH! Fuckin’ …. Sshhit!! Shit! Ngnnngg…Ah! Ah!….Oh! … Oh! …. Oooooooooooooooooooo…. Fuck!”. Then you –

a. Make a cup tea and have a bit of that nice ginger crunch from that new bakery down on Simmons Street. Go to 215

b. Roll a joint. Go to 146

c. Google “Line dancing”. Go to 215


56. You find StrayF’s blog to be –

a. Spookily in tune with your own secret wants, desires … and darkest needs. Go to 128

b. Quite good. Go to 226

c. The most depraved load of pornographic homosexual shit ever to have graced the interweb! Go to 71


71. You thereby become infatuated with StrayF and give over all your wordly goods to him before travelling to New Zealand and giving him your soul. You live your life as a toilet, footstool, fuck-hole for your God, StrayF… PERFECT ENDING!


73. Your wife tells you to stop being such a sarcastic twat because dinner was fucking awful and you both know it. She then pulls out a vintage M1 bazooka and fires your stupid head off.


79. Your wife sits enthralled at the goings-on in Sands of Desperation but just as Jenna is about to announce her decision about letting Helen in on the secret to her prize-winning apple-and-cold-roast-potato pie, you die of insufferable boredom… Sorry.


100. Sorry, Jizz isn’t open yet ….


110. Great. Do you want your hash browns –

a. Crunchy? Go to 212

b. A bit sloppy? Go to 312


117. See, that’s just wrong. Just because your life is duller than a cold boiled potato, you don’t have the right to go hacking off the head of another person! At least your cell-mate’s all right. He keeps grinning at you and grabbing his crotch in a real friendly way …


128. You naturally become infatuated with StrayF and give over all your wordly goods to him before travelling to New Zealand and giving him your soul. You live your life as a toilet, footstool, fuck-hole for your God, StrayF… PERFECT ENDING!


146. Roll a joint?! That is SO illegal! How dare you! The police come and haul your pot-head ass off to prison for the next bajillion years. And your dick falls off. Yeah.


153. One box of Kleenex later and you get your shit together. Do you then –

a. Suddenly realise the banality of your life and flee for the masculine freedom of Jizz? Go to 100

b. Suddenly realise the futility of your life and head for Sweat? Go to 200

c. Eat a cookie? Go to 215


165. Your wife is horrified at what she sees on the screen and suddenly disappears in to the 72nd Dimension for reasons that cannot be explained … yet. You then –

a. Cry, scream, tear your hair out and sob mightily for the loss of your wife. Go to 153

b. Shrug and carry on watching Men Who Fuck Men. Go to 192

c. Suddenly realise the futility of your life and head for Sweat? Go to 200

a. Suddenly realise the banality of your life and flee for the masculine freedom of Jizz? Go to 100


192. The images on the screen excite you. The sweat, muscle, writhing, groaning, the crack of a whip, a hiss of pain … You then –

a. Keep on fapping!! Go to 38

b. Suddenly realise the banality of your life and flee for the masculine freedom of Jizz? Go to 100

c. Suddenly realise the futility of your life and head for Sweat? Go to 200


200. Sorry. Sweat ain’t open yet.


213. They turn out slightly underdone but your wife insists that she did the best she could. Do you –

a. Lovingly accept her apology and insist that the fish-fingers are wonderful? Go to 350

b. Suddenly realise the banality of your life and flee for the masculine freedom of Jizz? Go to 100

c. Suddenly realise the futility of your life and head for Sweat? Go to 200


215. You die of insufferable boredom. Sad, sad, sad, sad sad sadsadsadadsdasdsssad…


226. Quite good? Quite good?! How dare you! How fuckin’ dare you!! That’s it. Game over. You’re out.


300. Your lube-sticky fingers tap their way to –

a. StrayF’s blog. Go to 56

b. Puppiesandkitties.com. Go to 215.


312. Dinner is just lovely. You then –

a. Thank your lovely wife for a fabulous meal. Go to 73

b. Split your wifes head open with a machete out of sheer boredom. Go to 117

c. Sit down to watch the tele. Go to 350


350. Super. It’s TV time! Do you watch –

a. Sands of Desperation – your wife’s all time favourite crap drama? Go to 79

b. Men Who Fuck Men – the public health DVD that you got from the library because you thought it might amuse your wife? Go to 165

c. News for the Meek – a non-violent, non-sexual, non-aggressive weekly round-up of the world’s most incredibly dull news? Go to 215


401. Chips or hash browns with your fish fingers?

a. Chips. Go to 10

b. Hash browns. Go to 110

Cock - it's the real thing.